khriskin: (Silly Muse)
NOTE: These are writings from 1997, which means they are over a decade old. Thus they lack a certain- hmm, 'polish?', but they are also fond memories of my days on alt.comics.fan-fiction and I wouldn't trade them for the world. ^_^

_______________________________


My Cat is an X-Man! : Chapter 3

Dex maowed innocently, and strolled over to me, and made it clear she expected to be picked up. (She learned this as a kitten, if she tries to climb up my leg... I normally pick her up, and save her the trouble.) So I was standing there holding the object of battle, and feeling none to confident about it.

"Thanks loads, Dex." I grumbled at her, but very very quietly.

She purred.

"I think we can safely say that the cat is more than capable of getting herself out of any trouble," Xavier soothed the two combatants. "And Remy, you need to get off the 'cat' theme... TIC's already called me twice."

TIC? Now I was lost... what did that joker from acff have to do with anything? I had a growing suspicion that I was the only one who wasn't reality-hopping for fun and profit.

Dex purred a little louder, and smiled her 'I Know Something You Don't' smile. I began wondering what had ever possessed me to get a cat. She stopped purring. You'd almost think she was tele... Uh-oh.

"And Scott, while you may have the law on your side, I would appreciate it if you could refrain from attempting to beat this knowledge into the heads of your opponents."

Ow. That must have hurt... My thoughts on the subject were cut off by a loud annoying alarm klaxon. The X-men bolted out the door, followed by my cat, who leapt gracefully from my arms, and fell flat on her face. That's Dex for ya...

Which left me standing alone in the Danger Room, in the X-Mansion, while alarms were going off, and I was trapped in an alternate dimension, with no super-powers.

I was starting to get worried.

**********


After getting hopelessly lost for about five minutes as I attempted to find the battle, I stumbled across it by accident. Never have I seen a more impressive sight. Well, maybe not, that last vault on the USA women's gymnastics team in the '96 Olympics...

<< I AM COLESLAW AND I SHALL RULE THE MARVEL UNIVERSE! BWAHAHAHAHA*cough**gasp*HAHAHAHA! >>

"My powers!" cried Xavier, "They're gone!!"

"Dat looks like Magneto."

<< NO I' DON'T! >> Said the ghostly cabbage with the familiar headgear.

"Oui, you do."

<< DO NOT! >>

"Do to."

<< DO NOT! >> Thundered the attacker, and made menacing leafy gestures in the thief's direction.

"I don' think Gambit c'n fight a telepathic manifestation. Et toi?" Gambit noted as he hid behind Cyclops.

Scott shook his head nervously, "Nope. Don't think my optic blasts are going to be helpful. Not a chance."

<< BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! >>

"If only Jean wasn't at Potomac Mills!"


Coleslaw? The X-men were about to be killed by a mutant Picnic-Food?? I know Marvel was desperate, but this was getting, well, pathetic.

<< PATHETIC?!? YOU DARE CALL THE MIGHTY COLESLAW PATHETIC?!? >>

Whoops.

**********


< Hey bucket-head! >

< WHO DARES!>

< The cat. >

< OH, EXCUSE ME. I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE ONE IN THE YELLOW TIGHTS. >

< And stop yelling for a moment, will you? You're giving me a headache. Besides, we're out of telepaths. >

The cabbage eyed the slightly dazed X-men suspiciously. < ARE YOU SURE THEY CAN'T HEAR ME? >

< Positive. >

< Alright then, but if this gets out it'll destroy my image. >

< I promise not to tell. Now, we need to work a deal here. >

< Are you sure you're a Main Character? I mean, I can't just lose to anybody. >

< May my claws grow dull and my fur turn black. >

< It is black. Mostly. >

< A technicality. Shall we discuss the terms of your surrender? >

**********


Well... that' what she's says actually happened, and since there were no other telepaths present... All the rest of us could see was Dex and the floating head of cabbage looking at each other and making faces.

Anyways, Dex managed to cut some sort of deal because the MIGHTY COLESLAW left almost immediately after they stopped making faces at each other.

And there was much rejoicing.

For a moment or two, and then everyone went back to angst-mode.

_______________________________

"X-MEN" is owned, (TM) and © by Marvel. All rights reserved. No copyright infringement is intended nor implied.
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